THE COMET I MIND o’ a curious thing, BAILIE, that happened tae us twa-three years ago. They were a’ talkin’ o’ a comet that wis tae appear on a certain nicht, so I invited a wheen o’ the neebours up tae oor hoose, an’ we were tae hae a kin' o’ tea party first, an’ see the comet afterwards. The laddies had got bits a’ smokit gless for us tae keek through, an’ I had an almanack, an’ after tea we a’ sat crackin’ awa’, an’ studyin’ the almanack, an’ lookin’ up at the gas through the bits o’ gless tae get intae practice. "Mr Kaye," says Mr M’Cunn, "we never read aboot comets in the Auld Testament." "No that I mind o’," says I, "but"— "Oh, faither, faither, here’s the comet," cries oor auldest lassie, at this moment, doon the garrit stairs. "Michty me, is’t there already," says I, "we maun rin." So we a’ pickit up a bit o’ the smokit gless an’ awa’ tae the fit o’ the stairs, an’ I cries as I ran, "Is’t aye there yet, Leezabuth?’ "It ‘is, an’ it’s quite green," cries back my dochter. "Green!" says Mr M’Cunn, stoppin’ short, horror-struck, "wha ever heard o’ a green comet? There must be something wrang, Mr Kaye." "Ach, never heed what colour it is, as lang’s it’s there," I says, as on we ran. At this one a’ my laddies comes tearin’ up the ootside stair, an’ breengin’ intae the lobby, cries oot. "Oh faither, the comet’s oot there, an it’s burnin’ red." "Red," says I, "Leezabuth said it wis green." "No, no, it’s red, for I saw’t." Here Leezabuth cries doon the stair, "Haste ye, faither—it’s changin’ colour—it’s white noo." "White," says I; "Rubbert, what dy’e mean by tellin’ lees? Are ye no’ afraid, sir, that ye micht be turned intae a pillar a’ saut whaur ye staun’? Come in tae me afore ye go tae your bed the nicht." Here Betty, wha had been keekin’ oot at the wee window o’ the pantry, cam’ rinnin’ oot an’ cries, "Oh, Jeems, there s twa comets—a white ane an’ a red ane—an’ they’re like playin’ at ‘tig’; first ye see the ane, an’ then the ither." "Mr M’Cunn," says I, "ye never heard o’ the like o’ this in the Auld Testament, onyway; it’s extr’ornar’." "It’s mair than extr’ornar’, sir, it’s awfu’—perfectly awfu’; I hope it’s no’ a judgment on us. Twa comets playin’ at ‘tig’!" "Come awa’ up onyway, an’ we’ll see’t," says I. Up we went, an’ made oor way intae the room. Jist then, hooever, Leezabuth cries oot, "It’s awa' noo." This wis a disappointment. No able tae dae ony better, we sat doon in the dark room, tae wait till it cam’ roon again, an’ in a wee we hears Rubbert at the front door cryin’ oot, "Here it’s again at the close mooth, faither, shinin’ awa’, an’ it is red!" At this we made a rush doon the stair, an’ jist as we were hauf road doon, Leezabuth cries after us, "Here it’s again, faither, as green’s a cabbage." The one hauf o’ us then turned an’ ran up again, but when we got up it wis awa’ once more, an’ we could see naething, so I said we wid jist hae a smoke. So we opened the window an’ sat at it, lookin’ oot an’ watchin’ the skies intently. Mr M’Faurlan, next door, was also at his window wi’ Mrs M’Faurlan, an’ cries across the slates, "Did ye see’t, Mr Kaye?" "I canna say I did," says I, "did you?" "I did, an’ it seems it’s a new kin’ o’ comet, for it wis quite green." "Never heed him, Mr Kaye," says Mrs M’Faurlan; "I saw’t before him, an’ it wis yellow." "Weel," I says, "this bates me a’thegither. Oor Leezabuth says it wis first green an’ then white, an’ Rubbert he says it wis red, an’ noo Mrs M’Faurlan says it wis yellow. I don’ know if a’ comets is like this, but if they are they’re worth the watchin’ for." Mr M’Cunn here gi’ed me a nudge tin’ whispered, "I’m going hame tae my bed, Mr Kaye, for its a fair temptin' o’ Providence tae be here. So I said I wid go ower the road wi’ him, an’, if possible, try tae fin’ oot aboot the comet for mysel’, an’ see what wis actually its richt colour. At this twa-three o’ us put on oor huts an’ awa’ we gaed oot, but naebody that we met seemed tae hae seen the phenomenon but oorsel’s, an’ great wis the amazement when we tell’t them that it was a comet that changed colours, an’ they were a' as anxious as us tae see it, so we took positions at different corners tae watch for’t. In a wee Mr Pinkerton cries oot, "Here it is." So we ran tae his corner, an’ there it wis shinin’ awa’, an’ as green as a cauliflooer. While we stood spellbound it suddenly changed tae red, an' Mr Pettigrew cries oot, "It’s a revolving comet," but jist as he said that oor station-master cam’ up an’ asked what we were a’ lookin’ at. "The comet," says I. "The comet," says he, "the comet! Man, thae’s oor new signal lamps on the railway. We jist put them up yesterday." Oh, hoo humiliated we were, BAILIE. I didna ken where tae look, but I gi’ed Rubbert a guid dressin’ that nicht; an’ comets are never mentioned in oor hoose noo.