ON WOODEN PAVING YE see, BAILIE, what it is tae be popular an’ possessed o’ great sagacity, soond discrimination, an’ guid common sense. I am noo an elder, member o’ the Skule Brod, colonel o’ a regiment, an’ a provost. A fastidious public dinna vote a man intae a’ thae things withoot he’s got some ability. It’s no for me tae say onything, but ye see superiority aye asserts itsel’; it’s like an indiarubber ba’, the harder ye daud it doon the faurer it jumps up again. Being sae much occupied wi’ public business the coal ree is gey an’ often left in charge o’ the laddie, wha wees oot the hunerwechts like wildfire so as tae get awa’ tae a gemm at the "fit-baa," an’ I’m perfectly sure that mony a guid pound I loss frae the one end o’ the year tae the ither. The time I’m sitting in the Skule Brod offices devoting my time tae the service o’ an ungrateful public the laddie is gaeing ridiculous wechts, hauning wrang change back, an’ takin’ bad sixpences, an when I come hame at nicht wi’ my heid in a bizz frae the calculations I’ve been makin’, instead o’ fin’ing him penitent, reading a guid book, I’ll get him wi’ his feet up against the wa’ trying hoo faur he can walk on his hauns withoot tum’ling, wi’ maybe a’ the siller he has lifted drapping oot o’ his packet an’ rinning doon the syver. If it wisna he wis an orphan I wid pay him aff at once. An’ yet folk think there’s nae limit tae my energy. I hear that at next November I’ll be asked tae staun for Toon Cooncillor o’ Glesca, an’ I’m quite willing, for I’m o’ the opinion that new blood is needed there. The Cooncils noo-a-days hae nae "go" in them. Pairt o’ Ingram Street wis paved wi’ wudd a wheen years ago as a trial, an’ it apparently took the Cooncil a lang time tae decide on the advantage o’ wudd ower stane. After seeven years’ cogitation they, wi’ a sair heart, made up their mind tae pave Buchanan Street, an’ look at it noo! Look at our principal street in an uproar like you for weeks, a’ traffic suspended, an’ the largest taxpayers in Glasgow losing their business. The ither day I took a dauner in, expecting tae see it a’ dune, an’ maybe get a hurl in a cab up an’ doon for a sixpence jist tae see hoo it did, but tae my great surprise they were howking awa’ at it yet, an’ I said tae the polisman, "Bless me, Dugald, is this a’ the length ye are? If ye decide tae pave a' Glasgow wi’ wudd an’ go on at this rate, ye’ll hae had ample time tae pass through the various grades o’ corporal an’ sergeant, be lang a respected superintendent an’ hue rested your heid in an honoured grave for 20 years before it’s a’ dune. But I suppose the convenience o’ the tax-payers is as naething tae the interest o' the firm wha advertise their name in the middle o’ the street as hailing frae London, and wha are daeing the work." The polisman an’ me got quite great, an’ we sat doon on a barrel tae see the men working. Some had shovels an’ some had brushes, but the ane wha had the maist scientific pairt o’ the work had a wee hatchet in his haun, and he wid stick it intae a block that had been already placed, but wis jist maybe no square, an' he wid look at it first on the one side and then an the ither, an’ he wid shoogle it a wee frae side tae side, then he wid lift it up an’ then put it doon in the same place, giein’t a tap or twa tae settle it tae last for generations yet unborn. Says I tae the polisman, "That’s the job I wid like, it’s scientific an’ yet it’s easy! I’ll gie ye a guess that’s jist struck me this minute-Why is the Toon Cooncil like Buchanan Street?" He shook his heid an’ said he gied it up. "Because there’s a heep o' blocks in’t!" "Wudden anes? " says he. "Aye," says I, "wudden yins! I’m rale gled ye see the pint o’ the joke withoot me explaining it! Tak’ my word for’t, when a joke needs tae be explained it’s no much worth. I’ll gie ye anither ane, an’ then I maun awa’ tae catch the caur. Ye ken Mr Faill is the name o’ the contractor wha paves the streets wi’ stones. Weel, d’ye think Mr Faill will fail to see wudd’s best?" But, BAILIE, if I wis in the Cooncil, as I hope I’ll be next year, I wid stir them up a bit. What aboot the cleanin’ o’ the Clyde? What aboot the bad gas? What aboot the electric light? What aboot—but it‘s nae use speaking! Wait till I get in.