Rough Scan
TO THE SCHOOL BOARD ELECTORS
V.R.
TAE the electors
and non-electors — male and female — o’ Govan Skule Brod.
It is wi’ feelings
o’ great diffidence I appear before you as an Independent Candidate
for the prood distinction o’ being returned as Chairman o’ the Govan
Skule Brod (landward division), which, as ye are dootless aware, comprises
Stra’bungo an’ pairt o’ Crossmyloof, including the bakery.
Electors, between
you an’ me, there’s a lot o’ haivers talked aboot eddication noo-a-days.
If a man can read an’ write an’ coont, wi’ maybe a touch o’
jography,
it should be enough — that is, if he’s no going tae be a minister or
that: even for them I think whiles it wid be better if some o’ them
had less learning. Bless ye,
noo-a-days the bairns learn French and Greek nouns an’ Spanish pronouns,
an’ then maybe get apprenticed tae a sweep, and its michty little Greek
they need then. Hooever, as
the judges say when they’re in a fix, “I don’t mak’ the law; I am only
here tae administer it.” So
I’ll proceed. Ladies an’ gentlemen, rally roon’ an’ support
ane wha, being a faither hiimsel’, can sympathise wi’ ye as ye sit at
home at nicht teaching the bairns hoo tae dae their lessons, which ye
at the same time pay the maister for daeing.
You wha are ground doon tae the dust paying for fower quarters
o’ a year that has only nine months in it; you wha are grieved in spirit
at seeing the schulemaister getting a hale Saturday holiday every week,
fower days at the Fast, an’ six at Ne’erday, forbye twa months in summer,
while ye yoursel’s — the supporters o’ a’ this — can hardly get a day
tae gang doon the length o’ Goorock; gather roon, I say, an’ support
J.K., whase highest ambition is tae be o’ service tae his less gifted
fellow ratepayers.
Yes, gentlemen,
were I tae consult my ain tastes I wid raither be working awa’ quietly
in the coal ree wee’ing oot the hunnerwechts intae bags; but when a
deputation consisting o’ the minister, the toon-clerk, the bellman,
an’ a wheen ither prominent folk ask me — aye, maist go doon on their
knees tae me — then, gentlemen, it’s high time tae shut up the ree —
for a time, at ony rate - an’ stand at your service, as I now do.
Non-electors,
as I walk alang oor streets an’ see the magnificent palaces raised up
by oor energy an’ your bawbees, wi’ the janitors’ hooses an’ the
playgruns,
it mak’s me prood tae think that next Friday week I’ll hae a haun in
guiding your hard-earned siller in the richt channel.
When I think o’ the schulemaisters o’ my time — wha, worthy men,
had tae teach us everything single-handed, frae the A B C tae mathematics,
while noo there’s ane for writing, anither for coonting, an’ anither
for gieing the “liffies” — it mak’s me prooder than ever that I have
leeved tae see this day.
Hooever, electors
and non-electors, having unfolded my programme an’ showed ye what I
mean tae do, I have only to add that, when ye go tae the poll an’ get
your paper, rin your finger doon till ye come tae “K.” Noo, this is the critical minute; let there be nae lukewarmness,
nae hesitation, or up goes the schule-maister’s wages. Grip your pencil firmly and rin your finger
alang the line “Kaye, James,
coal merchant,” and doon wi’ your name.
Write your name in full, adding ony remarks ye think necessary,
an’ I promise tae pay due attention tae them afterwards. Once in, electors an’ non-electors, I’ll see that the slates are
no’ broken or the batters torn aff the copy-books mair than or’nary,
an’ that the playing at the bools is kept within due bounds; an’ I’m
prepared tae insist on a great reduction o’ the fees when mair than
fourteen o’ a family attend the one schule, thus showing my desire tae
encourage, in every legitimate way, the upbringing o’ a lairge family
in a proper Christian manner, an’ wi’ a due regard tae cleanliness,
sobriety, and integrity.
Gentlemen, I
have the honour tae be,
Your
most obedient servant,
JEEMS
KAYE.
P.S. — Come early tae the poll, an’ vote
often.