Rough Scan




        TAE the electors 
          and non-electors — male and female — o’ Govan Skule Brod.
        It is wi’ feelings 
          o’ great diffidence I appear before you as an Independent Candidate 
          for the prood distinction o’ being returned as Chairman o’ the Govan 
          Skule Brod (landward division), which, as ye are dootless aware, comprises 
          Stra’bungo an’ pairt o’ Crossmyloof, including the bakery.
        Electors, between 
          you an’ me, there’s a lot o’ haivers talked aboot eddication noo-a-days.  
          If a man can read an’ write an’ coont, wi’ maybe a touch o’
          it should be enough — that is, if he’s no going tae be a minister or 
          that: even for them I think whiles it wid be better if some o’ them 
          had less learning.  Bless ye,
        noo-a-days the bairns learn French and Greek nouns an’ Spanish pronouns, 
          an’ then maybe get apprenticed tae a sweep, and its michty little Greek 
          they need then.  Hooever, as 
          the judges say when they’re in a fix, “I don’t mak’ the law; I am only 
          here tae administer it.”  So 
          I’ll proceed.  Ladies an’ gentlemen, rally roon’ an’ support 
          ane wha, being a faither hiimsel’, can sympathise wi’ ye as ye sit at 
          home at nicht teaching the bairns hoo tae dae their lessons, which ye 
          at the same time pay the maister for daeing.  
          You wha are ground doon tae the dust paying for fower quarters 
          o’ a year that has only nine months in it; you wha are grieved in spirit 
          at seeing the schulemaister getting a hale Saturday holiday every week, 
          fower days at the Fast, an’ six at Ne’erday, forbye twa months in summer, 
          while ye yoursel’s — the supporters o’ a’ this — can hardly get a day 
          tae gang doon the length o’ Goorock; gather roon, I say, an’ support
        J.K., whase highest ambition is tae be o’ service tae his less gifted 
          fellow ratepayers.
        Yes, gentlemen, 
          were I tae consult my ain tastes I wid raither be working awa’ quietly 
          in the coal ree wee’ing oot the hunnerwechts intae bags; but when a 
          deputation consisting o’ the minister, the toon-clerk, the bellman, 
          an’ a wheen ither prominent folk ask me — aye, maist go doon on their 
          knees tae me — then, gentlemen, it’s high time tae shut up the ree — 
          for a time, at ony rate - an’ stand at your service, as I now do.
          as I walk alang oor streets an’ see the magnificent palaces raised up 
          by oor energy an’ your bawbees, wi’ the janitors’ hooses an’ the
          it mak’s me prood tae think that next Friday week I’ll hae a haun in 
          guiding your hard-earned siller in the richt channel.  
          When I think o’ the schulemaisters o’ my time — wha, worthy men, 
          had tae teach us everything single-handed, frae the A B C tae mathematics, 
          while noo there’s ane for writing, anither for coonting, an’ anither 
          for gieing the “liffies” — it mak’s me prooder than ever that I have 
          leeved tae see this day.
        Hooever, electors 
          and non-electors, having unfolded my programme an’ showed ye what I 
          mean tae do, I have only to add that, when ye go tae the poll an’ get 
          your paper, rin your finger doon till ye come tae “K.”  Noo, this is the critical minute; let there be nae lukewarmness, 
          nae hesitation, or up goes the schule-maister’s wages.  Grip your pencil firmly and rin your finger 
          alang the line  “Kaye, James, 
          coal merchant,” and doon wi’ your name.  
          Write your name in full, adding ony remarks ye think necessary, 
          an’ I promise tae pay due attention tae them afterwards.  Once in, electors an’ non-electors, I’ll see that the slates are 
          no’ broken or the batters torn aff the copy-books mair than or’nary, 
          an’ that the playing at the bools is kept within due bounds; an’ I’m 
          prepared tae insist on a great reduction o’ the fees when mair than 
          fourteen o’ a family attend the one schule, thus showing my desire tae 
          encourage, in every legitimate way, the upbringing o’ a lairge family 
          in a proper Christian manner, an’ wi’ a due regard tae cleanliness, 
          sobriety, and integrity.
        Gentlemen, I 
          have the honour tae be,
          most obedient servant,
        P.S. — Come early tae the poll, an’ vote