TO THE SCHOOL BOARD ELECTORS V.R. TAE the electors and non-electors — male and female — o’ Govan Skule Brod. It is wi’ feelings o’ great diffidence I appear before you as an Independent Candidate for the prood distinction o’ being returned as Chairman o’ the Govan Skule Brod (landward division), which, as ye are dootless aware, comprises Stra’bungo an’ pairt o’ Crossmyloof, including the bakery. Electors, between you an’ me, there’s a lot o’ haivers talked aboot eddication noo-a-days. If a man can read an’ write an’ coont, wi’ maybe a touch o’ jography, it should be enough — that is, if he’s no going tae be a minister or that: even for them I think whiles it wid be better if some o’ them had less learning. Bless ye, noo-a-days the bairns learn French and Greek nouns an’ Spanish pronouns, an’ then maybe get apprenticed tae a sweep, and its michty little Greek they need then. Hooever, as the judges say when they’re in a fix, “I don’t mak’ the law; I am only here tae administer it.” So I’ll proceed. Ladies an’ gentlemen, rally roon’ an’ support ane wha, being a faither hiimsel’, can sympathise wi’ ye as ye sit at home at nicht teaching the bairns hoo tae dae their lessons, which ye at the same time pay the maister for daeing. You wha are ground doon tae the dust paying for fower quarters o’ a year that has only nine months in it; you wha are grieved in spirit at seeing the schulemaister getting a hale Saturday holiday every week, fower days at the Fast, an’ six at Ne’erday, forbye twa months in summer, while ye yoursel’s — the supporters o’ a’ this — can hardly get a day tae gang doon the length o’ Goorock; gather roon, I say, an’ support J.K., whase highest ambition is tae be o’ service tae his less gifted fellow ratepayers. Yes, gentlemen, were I tae consult my ain tastes I wid raither be working awa’ quietly in the coal ree wee’ing oot the hunnerwechts intae bags; but when a deputation consisting o’ the minister, the toon-clerk, the bellman, an’ a wheen ither prominent folk ask me — aye, maist go doon on their knees tae me — then, gentlemen, it’s high time tae shut up the ree — for a time, at ony rate - an’ stand at your service, as I now do. Non-electors, as I walk alang oor streets an’ see the magnificent palaces raised up by oor energy an’ your bawbees, wi’ the janitors’ hooses an’ the playgruns, it mak’s me prood tae think that next Friday week I’ll hae a haun in guiding your hard-earned siller in the richt channel. When I think o’ the schulemaisters o’ my time — wha, worthy men, had tae teach us everything single-handed, frae the A B C tae mathematics, while noo there’s ane for writing, anither for coonting, an’ anither for gieing the “liffies” — it mak’s me prooder than ever that I have leeved tae see this day. Hooever, electors and non-electors, having unfolded my programme an’ showed ye what I mean tae do, I have only to add that, when ye go tae the poll an’ get your paper, rin your finger doon till ye come tae “K.” Noo, this is the critical minute; let there be nae lukewarmness, nae hesitation, or up goes the schule-maister’s wages. Grip your pencil firmly and rin your finger alang the line “Kaye, James, coal merchant,” and doon wi’ your name. Write your name in full, adding ony remarks ye think necessary, an’ I promise tae pay due attention tae them afterwards. Once in, electors an’ non-electors, I’ll see that the slates are no’ broken or the batters torn aff the copy-books mair than or’nary, an’ that the playing at the bools is kept within due bounds; an’ I’m prepared tae insist on a great reduction o’ the fees when mair than fourteen o’ a family attend the one schule, thus showing my desire tae encourage, in every legitimate way, the upbringing o’ a lairge family in a proper Christian manner, an’ wi’ a due regard tae cleanliness, sobriety, and integrity. Gentlemen, I have the honour tae be, Your most obedient servant, JEEMS KAYE. P.S. — Come early tae the poll, an’ vote often.