TAMMY LITTLE A JUVENILE JEU-D’ESPRIT _By the Author of "Anster Fair"_ Wee Tammy Little, honest man! =I kent the body weel, As round the kintra-side he gaed, =Careerin’ wi’ his creel. He was sae slender and sae wee, =That aye when blasts did blaw, He ballasted himself wi’ stanes =‘Gainst bein’ blawn awa. A meikle stane the wee bit man =In ilka coat-pouch clappit, That by the michty gowlin’ wind =He michtna down be swappit. When he did chance within a wood, =On simmer days, to be, Aye he was frichtit lest the craws =Should heise him up on hie, And aye he, wi’ an aiken cud, =The air did thump and beat, To stap the craws frae liftin’ him =Up to their nests for meat. Ae day, when in a barn he lay, =And thrashers thrang were thair, He in a moment vanish’d aff, =And nae man could tell whair; They lookit till the riggin’ up, =And round and round they lookit, At last they fand him underneath =A firlot cruyled and crookit. Ance as big Samuel past him by, =Big Samuel gave a sneeze, And wi’ the sough o’t he was cast =Clean down upon his knees His wife and he upon ane day =Did chance to disagree, And up she took the bellowses, =As wild as wife could be; She gave ane puff intill his face, =And made him, like a feather, Flee frae the tae side o’ the house, =Resoundin’ till the tither! Ae simmer e’en, when as he through =Pitkirie forest past, By three braid leaves, blawn aff the trees, =He down to yird was cast; A tirl o’ wind the three braid leaves =Down frae the forest dang, Ane frae an ash, ane frae an elm, =Ane frae an aik-tree strang; Ane strak him sair on the back-neck, =Ane on the nose him rappit, Ane smote him on the vera heart, =And down as dead he drappit. But ah! but ah! a drearier dool =Ance hapt at Ounston-dammy, That heise’d him a’thegither up, =And maist extinguish’t Tammy; For, as he cam slow-daunderin’ down, =In’s hand his basket hingin’, And staiver’d owen the hie-road’s breidth, =Frae side to side a-swingin’; There cam a blast frae Kelly-law, =As bald a blast as ever Auld snivelin’ Boreas blew abraid, =To make the warld shiver; It liftet Tammy aff his feet, =Main easy than a shavin’, And hurl’d him half-a-mile complete, =Hie up ‘tween earth and heaven. That day puir Tammy had wi’ stanes =No ballasted his body, So that he flew, maist like a shot, =Ower corn-land and ower cloddy. You’ve seen ane tumbler on a stage, =Tumble sax times and mair, But Tammy weil sax hundred times =Gaed tumblin’ through the air. And whan the whirly-wind gave ower, =He frae the lift fell plumb, And in a blink stood stickin’ fast =In Gaffer Glown-weel’s lum. Ay — there his legs and body stack =Amang the smotherin’ soot, But, by a wonderfu’ good luck, =His head kept peepin’ out. But Gaffer Glowr-weel, when he saw =A man stuck in his lum, He swarf’d wi’ drither clean awa, =And sat some seconds dumb. It took five masons near an hour, =A’ riving at the lum Wi’ picks, (he was sae jamm’d therein,) =Ere Tammy out could come. As for his basket — weel I wat, =His basket’s fate and fa’ Was, as I’ve heard douce neighbours tell, =The queerest thing of a’. The blast took up the body’s creel, =And laid it on a cloud, That bare it, sailin’ through the sky, =Richt ower the Firth’s braid flood; And whan the cloud did melt awa, Then, then the creel cam’ down, And fell’d the town-clerk o’ Dunbar =E’en in his ain guid town, The clerk stood yelpin’ on the street, =At some bit strife that stirr’d him, Down cam’ the creel, and to the yird =It dang him wi’ a dirdom! THE EPITAPH FOR TAMMY O Earth! O Earth! if thou hast but =A rabbit-hole to spair, O grant the graff to Tammy’s corp, =That it may nestle thair: And press thou light on him, now dead, =That was sae slim and wee, For weel I wat, when he was quick, =He lightly prest on thee! THE TANGIERS GIANT _By the Author of "Anster Fair"_ TO THE EDITOR OF THE EDINBURGH LITERARY JOURNAL MY DEAR GIGANTIC MR EDITOR, =METHINKS I have in secret observed, that you and others of strutting corporeal altitude are apt to think more highly of yourselves than you ought to think, from the accidental circumstance of your Typhoean stature — that you, in short, are apt to look down somewhat contemptuously on myself, and on all the rest of lowly, modest, and Zaccheusstatured mankind. It is then for the express purpose of _humbling you,_ and the other towering _gigantaccli_ of the Six-Feet Club, that I have indited the following verses. I trust you will accept of them as a stroke of humiliation - as one of the _fulgura_ of Apollo levelled at your ambitious and sun-challenging heads: - for you will not fail, I think, to perceive, that in comparison with _my Giant,_ you and all others of similar stamp and mould are but ==-"as that small infantry =Warr'd on by cranes!" I expect, therefore, that, for the humiliation of the lofty-headed, you will transmit a copy of the "Tangiers Giant" to each member of you assuming and over-lording Six-Feet Club of Edinburgh. - Believe me, notwithstanding your height, to be, my dear sir, most faithfully yours, W.T. In Tangiers town, as I've been tauld, There lived intill the times of auld, =A giant, stout and big, The awfuest and the dowrest carl That on the outside o' this warl' =E'er wallop'd bane or leg. When he was born, on that same day He was like other weans, perfay, =Nae langer than ane ladle; But in three days he shot sae lang, That out wi' 's feet and head he dang =Baith end-boords o' his cradle. And, whan the big-baned babe did see, How that his cradle, short and wee, =Could haud hin in nae langer, His passion took a tirrivee, He grippit it, and garr'd it flee In flinders, in his anger. Ere he was span'd - what beef, what bane! - He was a babe o' thretty stane, =And buirdlier than his mither; Whan he for's parridge grat at morn, Men never heard, syn they were born, =A yeut sae fu' o' drither! When he'd seen thretty years or sae, Far meikler was his little tae =Than our big Samuel's showther; When he down on a stool did lean, The stool was in an instant gane, ='Twas briss'd clean down to powther. When through the streets of Tangiers town He gaed, spasiering up and down, =Houses and kirks did trummel; O' his coat-tail, the vera wap Raised whirlwinds wi' its flichtering flap, =And garr'd auld lumm-heads tummel. Hae ye been five mile out o' toun, Ye might hae seen his head aboon =The heighest houses tow'rin; Ilk awsome tramp he gaif the ground, Garr'd aik-trees shake their heads a' round, =And lions rin hame co'rin'. To show his powstie to the people, Ance in hsi arms he took the steeple, =Kiss'd it, and ca'd it "Brither"; Syn from its bottom up it wrung, And in the air three times it swung, =Spire, bell, and a' thegither, And when he'd swung it merrilie, Again upon its bottom he =Did clap it down sae clever; Except a sma' crack half-way round, The steeple stood upon its found =As stout and staunch as ever. Ae king's birthday, when he was fu', Twa Tangier blades began to pu' =His tails, when on a sudden, Ane by the richt leg up he grippit, The tither by the neck he snippit, =And sent them skyward scuddin'; On earth they ne'er again cam down: Ane in a tan-pat i' the moon =Fell plump, and breathed his last; The tither ane was jammit ticht 'Tween twa stars o' the Pleiades bricht, =Whair yet he's sticking fast. Ae day when he stood near the sea, A fleet o' Tyrian ships in glee =Was sailin' gawcy by - He gript ae frigate by the mast, And frae the deep in powstie vast =He raised her in the sky: And then the great ship up he tummell'd; Her mast was down, her hulk up-whummell'd, =Her keel hie i' the lift; Captain and cargo down cam rummelin', Marines and men and meat cam tummelin', =Down frae her decks like drift. He had ane mammoth for his horse, Wairon wi' michty birr and force =He rade baith up and down; My certy! whan on him he lap, For hill nor tree he didna stap, =For tower, nor yet for town. From Calpe till the Chinese wa' He travell'd in a day or twa; =And, as he gallop't east, The tower o' babel down he batter'd; For five mile round its bricks were scatter'd - =Sic birr was in his beast! But whan he came to Ecbatan, A terribler strabasch was than; =He souchtna street nor yett; But hurly-burly, smash, smash, smash, Through wa's and roofs he drave slap-dash, =Down-dundering a' he met; What wi' his monster's thunderin' thus, And what wi' brasch and smasch and scud =O' rafters, sclates, and stanes, Ten thousand folk to dead were devell'd, Ten thousand mair were aiblins levell'd, =Half-dead wi' fractured banes! He travell'd, too, baith south and north, Baith hinges o' the warld, forsooth; =At Thebes he brak his fast, And at the blithe Cape o' Good Houp He tok his denner and a stoup =O' wine for his repast; He try'd, too, on his fearsome horse, His way up to our Ple to force, =To spy its whirlin' pin; Up to the Artic ice-ribb'd flood, Nichering he cam, as he were wud, =Wi' dirdom and wi' din: As north he rode, he didna wait To mak a brig ower Helle's strait, =Like Persia's pridefu' king; He loupit from Abydos' strand, And thwack on Sestos' beach did land, =Makin' hail Europe ring! As up through Thrace his beast did cour, He kick'd up sic ane cloud o' stour =From hsi gambading hoof, The King o' Thrace, whan he in's ha' Sat dining wi' his princes braw, =Was chokit wi' the stoof! But whan he reach'd Siberia's shore, His monster, wi' a grewsome roar, =Down squich'd amang the snaw; The beast was smored, and ne'er gat out; His rider, wi' ane damnnit shout, =Sprang aff, and spreul'd awa. His end was liek his lawless life; He challenged Atlas in some strife, =T' up-haud Heiven on his head; He tried the sterny Heiven t' up-haud; - Down cam the lift; and wi' a daud =It smored the scoundrel dead! THE MORAL From this dour giant we may see How little bulk o' limb and thie =The human race bestead; _A wee bit man wi' meikle sense,_ _Is better than ane carl immense_ =_Wi' nonsense in his head!